


Hate

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 21:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4074619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sirius dies, Remus can't help hating him, and he hates that he feels that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate

I close my eyes tight shut but still the tears escape. They roll down my face and onto my pillow, and I can't even bring myself to wipe them away. My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest and I feel it may just explode from the strain it's under.

I bury my face into the pillow and let out a scream of pain, anger and grief. The scream is muffled and I'm glad; I don't want anybody else to hear me. I'm letting down all of my walls and I'm weaker than ever before, and that's not a good thing.

He's gone.

The realisation hits me like a ton of bricks and my eyes open. My heart momentarily stands still and I just stare into the darkness of my bedroom, feeling the tears prickling in my eyes.

 _Gone_. Such a powerful word. Like you know that whatever is gone will never come back.

Sirius is gone forever.

And that's when my heart breaks. I can literally feel it, being ripped apart. The pain is horrific – even worse than my transformations, and I actually think I'm going to die.

I  _want_  to die. Then at least I'll be with him again.

I'm so angry. I'm so  _so_  angry at him.

"YOU PROMISED ME!" I yell at the top of my lungs, but it doesn't come out as resentful as I want. It's more like a strangled cry. I hope that wherever he is, he can hear me, and he's feeling horrible for what he's done.

He broke his promise to me. Not only am I broken and lost, I'm feeling completely and utterly betrayed.

On the night we'd first spent together after I'd found out he was innocent, we talked and talked about where we stood. He had told me that he still loved me and I had actually thought my life would be ok.

He made a promise.

" _You and me, we'll grow old together and in fifty years time we'll be laughing at all of our memories and we'll still be as in love as we are now. I promise."_

I hold my hand to my heart and stare up at the ceiling. "Where are you?" I whisper into the darkness. "I need you."

I feel the tears rolling down my cheek again and there is a deep burning in my heart. "YOU LIAR! YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE! I'M ALL ALONE BECAUSE OF YOU!"

And then I realise I hate myself.

I hate myself for hating him. I hate him.

_HATE._

"Why did you leave me here, Sirius?" I ask, wiping the tears from my eyes.

I hate that he left me. I hate that he won't answer me. I hate that he broke his promise. I hate that he'll never come back. I hate that I'm all alone, without him.

"I  _HATE_  YOU!" I scream, not caring now if anybody hears, and it sort of feels good to tell him how I feel. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

And I close my eyes and sleep, falling into a beautiful world where he is still here and he loves me enough not to leave me, and in this world, I love him.


End file.
